 GEOFFREY MARTIN The “SAVING DAVE’S ASS MORE TIMES THAN CAN BE COUNTED” award goes to Geoffrey Martin. Mr. Martin regularly worked 7 days a week during Durham Cycle’s first months. Magically, despite a minimal inventory (and often in spite of Dave’s protestations), we would always seem to have exactly what customers needed most. Innumerable “freakouts” have been averted because of Geoff’s uncanny knowledge of the location of every tool and piece of inventory in the shop at all times. It is by virtue of Geoff’s coolness in crisis that Dave made it through the shops most harrowing days. Most importantly, Geoff’s sober advice and sincerity keep people returning to the store, which makes this whole endeavor possible. Geoffrey will be receiving a Saab 93 to tow behind his current Saab 93 and use for parts as necessary. |
 SCOTTY MATTHESS We are proud to announce that Scotty Matthess has won the “SAVING YOUR ASS ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS” award. In the past several months alone, Scotty, with his keen eye and vast industry knowledge, has spotted 3 cracked frames, 2 cracked Campy crankarms, a recalled stem, numerous recalled brakes, and a recalled baby seat. Scotty most likely saved people from serious injury, identifying problems before a failure could occur. Durham Cycles and its customers are incalculably grateful to Scotty for his service. Congratulations Scotty: Your certificate, hand calligraphed by Eddy Merckx using Sheldon Brown’s favorite fountain pen (hand made from a 1967 Nuovo Record Rear Axle, with an ink cartridge of dirty Phil Wood lube) is in the mail. |
MOST INTIMIDATING: IT’S A TIE! We couldn’t decide which strikes more fear in the heart of a competitor BRENNA FORESTER’s fierce snarl or ERIC WANG’s Magisterial Pose
 BRENNA FORESTER  ERIC WANG
|
 RUSTY MILLER MOST LIKELY TO JOIN A BARBER SHOP QUARTET ON RETIREMENT |
 CONRAD CATOLOS MOST LIKELY TO GIVE YOU DIABETES: ANOTHER TIE. This time it’s a split decision for BECKY WOODRUFF of the Duke Cycling Team and Conrad Catolos of Durham’s Daisy Cakes. Their sweet personalities aside, the surfeit of sugary treats these two regularly bring to the shop are likely to mean an upgrade to the “club cut” jersey for Dave and crew.  BECKY WOODRUFF
|
 RACHEL LAMBERT MOST LIKELY TO KICK YOUR ASS WITHOUT TRYING |
 RUSSELL LACY MOST LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR SLEEPING |
 GEOFFREY MARTIN BEST CHICKEN IMITATION
|
 GREG EVANS MOST LIKELY TO WAKE UP LATE FOR THE RACE |
 NICKI ZELENSKI MOST LIKELY TO PRETEND SHE’S NOT BEING PHOTO-GRAPHED |
Congratulations to all the winners and our incalculable gratitude to all our supporters. Here are a few more awards:
- Most Likely to Lap You: Alex McDonald
- Keeping the Rubberside Up Award: Matt Rineheart. (Also winner of the “Sprinter who looks most like John Donne” Award).
- Most Likely to impale himself on his bicycle: Gael Hagen
- Most Likely to Impale someone else on his Bicycle: David LoSchiavo
- Most Likely to Beat You Mercilessly with his Politeness: Jonathan Crimens
- Most Likely to Ask You About Your Wheels: Jacob Richardson
- Most Likely to be Blown Away by a Crosswind: Tim Wilson, Allie Middleton
- Least Likely to be Blown Away by a Crosswind: Michael Mulvihill